Catherine Hawkinson
I haven’t posted in a long time, huh?
Well, some things that have happened that have either taken up too much of my physical time to blog, or my emotional state was too intense and I just couldn’t write.
My mother passed away on Wednesday, March 22nd after battling Liver and Colon-Rectal Cancer since November, 2004. Today is the first day I’m writing about my mother’s illness. I tried several times, but couldn’t find any words in the English language to do her justice. My brother (Jeff) wrote a beautiful tribute called, “A Mom Remembered” which I will post below. He wrote everything I couldn’t and did it perfectly.
This is and has been a huge struggle for me. I was not supposed to outlive my mother (nor were HER parents, who are in their 80’s). I did get a chance to say goodbye before she slipped into her coma. I sat by her hospital bed, holding her hand and just talking quietly. We talked about memories and good times. She also told me to go be a faithful wife and a good mom to my children. One thing keeps playing in my head, she said, “Amy, you were born to be a mother – when the time comes, I know you’ll be an excellent mother.”. My reply was, “That’s because I had a excellent mother myself.” We then giggled and hugged. It was tearful and awful and unfathomable, but I am SO glad we had that time together. Without it, this process would be nearly impossible. It’s funny, I spent all my teen years saying that I was going to do things differently and raise my family differently and not be like my mother. Now, all I want, more than anything in the world, is to be just like her. Kind, intelligent, patient, motivated, faithful and witty only scratch the surface.
There is definitely a bittersweet feeling in my heart. On one hand, I feel so robbed of an adult relationship with my mother. I mean, I had a safe, fun, loving and nurturing childhood with my mom right by my side. There were swim meets, skinned elbows, choir performances, homework dates, first breakups and first loves. But there are events that my mom will miss. Like my wedding day, having dinner at my first home, my first pregnancy and birth, grandkids, graduations, family vacations and so much more.
Then on the flipside, I find comfort in knowing that she is in Heaven, running around with her friends that went before her. She’s pain free, laughing, smiling and singing….. in a perfect body. She’s met Jesus! Can you imagine?! How wonderful it must be up there…. No crime, no tears, no hatred or unfaithfulness or letdowns, no failing, no disappointment. Only happiness, joy and light. THAT is what keeps me going hour to hour – knowing that she is safe and no longer suffering.
God has been so faithful to me, easing my tears and showing me that I have a wonderful family that wants to support and love me. I have also been blessed to have my partner-in-crime, Erik, in my life. He has been SO supportive of my mood swings, my random crying and the ever-changing updates on my mom’s condition while she was still alive. It is so refreshing to have a patient, kind and lovable man by my side. Three years and going strong! Thank you, baby. You’ve been by my side and by my mom’s bedside and for that, I am so thankful. My adoration and respect for you has been growing in my heart.
Below, you will find the tribute Jeff wrote about my mom. This will also be read at her memorial service on Saturday, April 2nd.
A Mother Remembered
Three children have the privilege of calling her “Mom.” Three children born not from her womb, but from her heart and the abundance of love she had to give.
Our mother epitomized the caring and nurturing qualities that define motherhood. When we ran home with skinned knees, troubled minds or hurt feelings, she was there to mend our wounds, calm our fears, and restore our hearts. When we needed a supporter, our mother was there to cheer us on during the many football games, concerts, plays, horse shows, and swim meets. Win or lose, she was there to celebrate with us in our victories, and to console us in our defeats.
Our mother taught us the qualities and manners of being good citizens in the world. She taught us to eat our vegetables, chew with our mouth closed, say “please” and “thank you,” and wash behind our ears. More importantly, our mother taught us the virtues of being a follower of Christ, demonstrating the fruit of the spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. She introduced us to the unfailing love of Jesus, the only love stronger than the love she possessed for us.
Our mother modeled the biblical attributes of what a wife and mother should be. While there are always disagreements in any marriage, there was no conflict or strife in our home, as our mother was committed to defer to her husband’s leadership and face the results together, for better or worse. She had the courage to discipline us when we strayed from the house rules. While we did not believe it at the time, her lament of “this hurts me more than it hurts you” was indeed true (especially given our tendency to pad our behinds with paperback books). While we were in need of her maternal guidance and direction, she sacrificed her own dreams and ambitions and turned her full attention to raising us properly.
Once we were all in school, she had the courage and determination to go back to school herself, earning graduate degrees in counseling and school administration on her way to a Masters degree in Psychology. For the last six years, our mother devoted herself as a school psychologist to helping children develop, mature and cope with the many challenges of adolescence. We are proud that she was able to share the same teaching and nurturing we received with another generation of children.
We will cherish the precious memories of our mother – relaxing together with a good book on the sailboat … riding bikes along the Marymoor trial … digging clams at the beach cabin … sitting down to a home-cooked meal … playing a frenzied game of Nertz … singing around the piano. We will also cherish the memory of those everyday foibles that makes us unique human beings – her propensity to lose her keys and glasses … her penchant for changing orders at a restaurant when the waiter scampered by with another patron’s enticing selection … her genuinely irrational fear of jellyfish.
While we will deeply miss the love and encouragement that only a mother can provide, we are grateful that God placed each of us under her care and that she was given enough time on this earth to gently guide us into adulthood. Born from her heart, her memory now lives in ours.
Please keep me and my family in your prayers and we grieve the loss of a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a cousin and a friend. Thank you…….
Well, some things that have happened that have either taken up too much of my physical time to blog, or my emotional state was too intense and I just couldn’t write.
My mother passed away on Wednesday, March 22nd after battling Liver and Colon-Rectal Cancer since November, 2004. Today is the first day I’m writing about my mother’s illness. I tried several times, but couldn’t find any words in the English language to do her justice. My brother (Jeff) wrote a beautiful tribute called, “A Mom Remembered” which I will post below. He wrote everything I couldn’t and did it perfectly.
This is and has been a huge struggle for me. I was not supposed to outlive my mother (nor were HER parents, who are in their 80’s). I did get a chance to say goodbye before she slipped into her coma. I sat by her hospital bed, holding her hand and just talking quietly. We talked about memories and good times. She also told me to go be a faithful wife and a good mom to my children. One thing keeps playing in my head, she said, “Amy, you were born to be a mother – when the time comes, I know you’ll be an excellent mother.”. My reply was, “That’s because I had a excellent mother myself.” We then giggled and hugged. It was tearful and awful and unfathomable, but I am SO glad we had that time together. Without it, this process would be nearly impossible. It’s funny, I spent all my teen years saying that I was going to do things differently and raise my family differently and not be like my mother. Now, all I want, more than anything in the world, is to be just like her. Kind, intelligent, patient, motivated, faithful and witty only scratch the surface.
There is definitely a bittersweet feeling in my heart. On one hand, I feel so robbed of an adult relationship with my mother. I mean, I had a safe, fun, loving and nurturing childhood with my mom right by my side. There were swim meets, skinned elbows, choir performances, homework dates, first breakups and first loves. But there are events that my mom will miss. Like my wedding day, having dinner at my first home, my first pregnancy and birth, grandkids, graduations, family vacations and so much more.
Then on the flipside, I find comfort in knowing that she is in Heaven, running around with her friends that went before her. She’s pain free, laughing, smiling and singing….. in a perfect body. She’s met Jesus! Can you imagine?! How wonderful it must be up there…. No crime, no tears, no hatred or unfaithfulness or letdowns, no failing, no disappointment. Only happiness, joy and light. THAT is what keeps me going hour to hour – knowing that she is safe and no longer suffering.
God has been so faithful to me, easing my tears and showing me that I have a wonderful family that wants to support and love me. I have also been blessed to have my partner-in-crime, Erik, in my life. He has been SO supportive of my mood swings, my random crying and the ever-changing updates on my mom’s condition while she was still alive. It is so refreshing to have a patient, kind and lovable man by my side. Three years and going strong! Thank you, baby. You’ve been by my side and by my mom’s bedside and for that, I am so thankful. My adoration and respect for you has been growing in my heart.
Below, you will find the tribute Jeff wrote about my mom. This will also be read at her memorial service on Saturday, April 2nd.
A Mother Remembered
Three children have the privilege of calling her “Mom.” Three children born not from her womb, but from her heart and the abundance of love she had to give.
Our mother epitomized the caring and nurturing qualities that define motherhood. When we ran home with skinned knees, troubled minds or hurt feelings, she was there to mend our wounds, calm our fears, and restore our hearts. When we needed a supporter, our mother was there to cheer us on during the many football games, concerts, plays, horse shows, and swim meets. Win or lose, she was there to celebrate with us in our victories, and to console us in our defeats.
Our mother taught us the qualities and manners of being good citizens in the world. She taught us to eat our vegetables, chew with our mouth closed, say “please” and “thank you,” and wash behind our ears. More importantly, our mother taught us the virtues of being a follower of Christ, demonstrating the fruit of the spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. She introduced us to the unfailing love of Jesus, the only love stronger than the love she possessed for us.
Our mother modeled the biblical attributes of what a wife and mother should be. While there are always disagreements in any marriage, there was no conflict or strife in our home, as our mother was committed to defer to her husband’s leadership and face the results together, for better or worse. She had the courage to discipline us when we strayed from the house rules. While we did not believe it at the time, her lament of “this hurts me more than it hurts you” was indeed true (especially given our tendency to pad our behinds with paperback books). While we were in need of her maternal guidance and direction, she sacrificed her own dreams and ambitions and turned her full attention to raising us properly.
Once we were all in school, she had the courage and determination to go back to school herself, earning graduate degrees in counseling and school administration on her way to a Masters degree in Psychology. For the last six years, our mother devoted herself as a school psychologist to helping children develop, mature and cope with the many challenges of adolescence. We are proud that she was able to share the same teaching and nurturing we received with another generation of children.
We will cherish the precious memories of our mother – relaxing together with a good book on the sailboat … riding bikes along the Marymoor trial … digging clams at the beach cabin … sitting down to a home-cooked meal … playing a frenzied game of Nertz … singing around the piano. We will also cherish the memory of those everyday foibles that makes us unique human beings – her propensity to lose her keys and glasses … her penchant for changing orders at a restaurant when the waiter scampered by with another patron’s enticing selection … her genuinely irrational fear of jellyfish.
While we will deeply miss the love and encouragement that only a mother can provide, we are grateful that God placed each of us under her care and that she was given enough time on this earth to gently guide us into adulthood. Born from her heart, her memory now lives in ours.
Please keep me and my family in your prayers and we grieve the loss of a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a cousin and a friend. Thank you…….
posted by amyh @ 1:12 PM
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