Everything Changes

After recently receiving a promotion at work (which I will rave about later!) I have come to realize that I cannot escape the phrase, "She would have been proud of you, Amy" or "Mom would have loved to have been here for this".

I will hear it after every good thing that happens in my life. And I will wish every time that I could tell her face to face.

I know that time heals, but I don't this one feeling will ever change. There are so many "things" that will happen in my life that she was supposed to be a part of...... Anytime I've said, "I just wish I could tell my mom, ya know?" people always respond with "You still can!". I know that. Of course I can whisper up to the Heavens and talk to her about anything. It's just not the same.

I can't see the crow's feet wrinkle around her eyes as she smiles when I tell her I've been promoted.

I can't hear her voice exclaim, "CONGRATULATIONS AMY!".

I can't hug her tight and thank her for sticking by me, encouraging me to always do better and strive for more.

I can't join her for dinner to celebrate, raising our glasses of white wine and clinking them together as we bond like mother and daughter should.

While there are many other people in my life that I was happy to share this news with and celebrate with, there is just no substitute for my mom. She was so special and so supportive...... and I will continue to thank God every day for placing me under her and my dad's care.

And so the healing process moves on, changing me........molding me........ confusing me.........and showing me just how gentle I need to be with myself and with others.

Ski Boots

That's how it all started. A church ski trip and some old fashioned, clunky, lace-up ski boots.

Everyone wanted to hurry up to the top of the hill and start cutting through the fresh snow, but he stopped to help her lace 'em up. She wanted them tighter, then she wanted the left one looser - then tighter again - then looser - and then tighter still. Little did he know that her indecisiveness would be a part of his daily life for years to come.

He was instantly intrigued and had to spend more time with this picky, goofy yet gentle and elegant woman. He ended up spending 35 glorious years with her....until the Lord took her home.

Last night was the first time I had heard the story of how my mom and dad met in such detail. I'm glad I know..... it gives me something to giggle at - just picturing my mom complaining about the tightness of her boots, laughing nervously and flashing him that amazingly beautiful smile.

Her smile and her wisdom is what I miss the most.